Boats, Memory, Fear, Loss

I've begun really digging deep into what exactly my fourth year artwork is about because for the longest time I've simply been satisfied with the fact that I take pretty pictures. To be honest I think I've just been in denial for the last few years, or maybe not in denial but being unwilling to admit to others exactly what is going on in my head.

This semester I'm more so addressing the idea of memory and realizing that I have this fear of loosing my memory of significant events. I think this really just comes from my fear of loosing the people closest to me and my fear of death. At a young age I really realized that people don't live forever and eventually all you have is yourself.

I've been using my photographs as a way to document the landscape around me in hopes that I can hold onto the way things are right now. But through this I've started questioning whether or not I'm happy with the way things are. Lately I've been questioning myself and the things I think I want.

So I've been doing some reading regarding memory as part of my research for fourth year and there has been a lot of things I've read that really stuck out to me such as, the mind being like wax and experiences leave an imprint that are always there but over time they get more and more buried. And also the idea that objects have memories embedded in them. And I think that these photographs that I'm taking will remain a source for my memories.

An artist I was introduced to whose name is Jaclyn Shoub, takes photographs and then uses painting as a reductive process. Eventually all that is left is a small part of the image. She says that this "works as a metaphor for change and results in a broader feeling of anxiety and uncertainty." This has sparked my interest in having my images but also having parts of them removed with the idea that memories don't last forever and eventually you have to have the willingness to let go.

Along with this I've been looking into boats and there symbolic meaning because that's never something I've actually addressed. I always connect it to the fact that I live near the ocean, etc. But since I started doing some reading I've realized that I they mean more than being a symbol of home. Some things that have stood out include the idea that a boat represents moving from one phase to another which is something that has been happening to me over the last four years. I've been struggling with trying to figure out what exactly it is I want, learning how to make decisions for myself but also realizing just how attached I am to my family and my need to have them close. Also something that boats represent is the idea of missing an opportunity which is something that I've been thinking about.

Clearly I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... But it's been helpful to look deeper into what I'm doing in my art and why.